bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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