There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize