Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
