Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Houston, we have a blender
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
