she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
