using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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