He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
