that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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