I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think i have herpe
just one?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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