I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We named our party play list daddy issues
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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