I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
