She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
did i just pee glitter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
