Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
