my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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