yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
