I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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