the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
