How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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