so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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