It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
