my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
