He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
