ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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