once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
