The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
