we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
