please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
