The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
