I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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