Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
