and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
