U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
