dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
