Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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