We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
