Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
false alarm, still single
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
