Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
