Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I didn't notice because vodka
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
