It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
