Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
