You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize