I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
