My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
