I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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