In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
