how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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