i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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