i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
