youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
