some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
