"it" just moved
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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