dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
