dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
