I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
