remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
