Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
