You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
