is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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