Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
