Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
