I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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