conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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