i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
