Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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