Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
