Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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