my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
