Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
