Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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