Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize