There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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