drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
