in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
