three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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