like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
