the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
