4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
