I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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