I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
