I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
